


easy to be around

by chashmish (orphan_account)



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-11 15:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/chashmish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection of komahina drabbles. [FINAL: letter to a friend]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. SELFISH

Hinata is a worrier, but when he sleeps, the worry lines disappear from his face.

Komaeda is not as blessed, but when he opens his lazy eyes and looks at the other boy's sleeping form, some of that calm is transferred to him.

Early morning light falls through the window and caresses the folds of Hinata's clothes, his eyelashes, but it avoids the pale-haired boy altogether.

Komaeda knows he is selfish. He feels it in daylight, senses it at night and as he listens for the rise and fall of Hinata's breath he feels his own twisted ambitions and jagged imperfections cut deep into him and he smiles a soft smile.

As always, he wonders if anyone will kill him tomorrow, or the day after that. He muses over the possible weapon, a chance of a surprise attack, the amount of blood, the cause of death. And he wants it, he feels a rush accelerate his heartbeat and he thinks that maybe it will be okay, that if they use him, he will have found his purpose-

But then his gaze flickers back to Hinata and he feels his throat constrict.

Yes, he is selfish. Because when he looks at the other boy, just for a moment, he doesn't want to die.


	2. HIGHER POWER

"Do you believe in God, Hinata-kun?"

Hinata usually finds himself in Komaeda's company on the island, and most of the time he isn't sure if that's a bad thing or not.

From his spot in the shade of a pine tree, he sees Komaeda kneel and collect sand in his fingers, before opening them and letting it fall to the ground, leaving a dusty trail that lingers and then dissolves. Hinata vaguely remembers doing the same as a child.

"I don't know," Hinata replies. "Maybe." The day is hot and humid; he loosens his tie and fans himself with his hand, sighing.

"Personally," Komaeda continues, "I think if there were a god, he'd have to be an unnaturally cruel one."

Hinata frowns.

"Ah... sorry, that was such a negative comment... a person like me isn't fit to complain, really. But what I wanted to say was that the existence of a god is... too perfect to be real, don't you think?"

Hinata stiffens. _One minute he's saying that a god would be too cruel, next too perfect... I'll never understand this guy._

"No, the presumption that everything I do is planned out for me is one I can't accept," Komaeda says, shaking his head before turning to Hinata with a smile. "If there's any force that governs my life... it'd have to be luck, and luck alone."

He moves towards the other boy and Hinata is on his guard, but Komaeda merely stops near him and gives him a searching gaze, as if I'm the anomaly and he's just a normal guy, Hinata thinks.

"I'm sorry... to have wasted your time with my rambling, Hinata-kun. I'll be on my way," and he is gone, head bent as he makes his way up the beach, and Hinata feels a strange urge to stop him, but the only thing he does is watch the other boy go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can tell i had too much fun with komaedas voice and speech ahaha  
> this one is kind of cryptic. a lot of these are probably going to be cryptic


	3. WAKE UP CALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> college au!

A pounding headache is never welcome, but when morning comes Hinata wakes and immediately falls back into his sheets.

"Fuck," he says, out loud, to no one in particular, and he tries to recall last night but it's all a blurry haze and the only thing that seems to stick out is... a vision of one of Gundam's hamsters in his shoe. It is a powerful vision and Hinata is not sure why this, of all things, is all he seems to remember.

"Ah... Hinata-kun..."

If he wasn't in bed Hinata would jump. "What? Komaeda, is that..."

"Sorry," and the other boy's face comes into view. "I took the liberty of staying the night, since things were... well, I thought you might need some help..."

"No, it's okay, thank you," and Hinata struggles into a sitting position, "I just... what happened?"

"Uh... you got pretty drunk, Hinata-kun... but it's okay, nothing bad happened, really."

Hinata sighs. He was never going to let Togami convince him into holding a party again. Actually, he was never going to any parties again, ever. "Did I do anything?"

"No, not really..." but Komaeda sounds uncertain and Hinata groans. "I did something. Tell me what I did."

"It was really nothing, you just... followed me around a lot."

"Followed you around...?"

"Yeah, and you said some things."

"Said..."

"You said..." Komaeda fidgets a little. "Uh, I think you thought I was a girl or something... you kept talking about how pretty I was... and then you tried to... kiss me..." Suddenly he grins. "It was pretty funny, actually."

"I..." Hinata is aware of the fact a fierce red is spreading on his cheeks and slaps a hand on his face. "I'm sorry, Komaeda, I..."

Komaeda laughs. "It's okay, don't feel bad... at least it was just _me_... none of the others had to see you like that."

"No... I'm glad it was you, I mean, I would have picked you, I mean..." _what am I saying what am I saying_ "I'm... thank you for staying, Komaeda."

Komaeda looks confused for a second, but then he smiles. "Of course. Here, you should get up. I made breakfast... if you'd want to eat something I made..." and he comes near and offers a nervous hand.

Hinata takes it and gets to his feet. "Of course... I'm terrible at cooking," and Komaeda chuckles softly. Hinata hesitates before allowing himself to lean on Komaeda as they walk to the kitchen.

"If I may say... you really can't hold your alchohol, can you, Hinata-kun?"

"...Shut up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whenever i write fluff for this pairing i feel bad because its not a fluffy pairing at all but sometimes i just


	4. MANIC MUSIC

Sometimes Komaeda hums, during breakfast, during the times Hinata finds him staring at his hands alone on the beach, during the trials, even. Even as the students puzzle through the complex cases, trying to decide who to condemn, the aimless, cheerful, tune serves a strange background music- and Hinata seems to be the only one who hears it. Sometimes he wakes in the night and thinks the sound is there again, but he is simply met with the cold silence one can only find on an island of murder.  
And the first time they kiss, Hinata is angry and silent and Komaeda is smiling lopsidedly, humming quietly with his lips near Hinata's ear, and Hinata is holding on to Komaeda's shirt as if it is the only thing keeping him alive and the sound of the ocean is drowned out by the maniacal tune and Hinata feels very strange and very sick-  
but when Komaeda leans over and kisses him again, harder, something inside him has no choice but to respond with an urgency, even when the music is roaring in his ears and choking his senses.

He'll never get the song out of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first one that's actual drabble length i think


	5. BROKEN GLASS

Komaeda’s head is on your lap, his eyes closed, sunlight streaming in through the window, and as you look at him you think about how broken he is. You think of the time where all you could see were pieces of him, disjointed fragments of broken glass, and how scared you were to touch them, to touch Komaeda himself. And you think of how even now there seems to be parts of him that aren’t fully whole, and finally you wonder, as you always do, if the boy on your lap will ever be whole again.

His eyes open slowly, and he smiles up at you, but there’s something very hollow about his lighthearted grin and your heart feels heavy, weighed down by it. As he stirs you remove your hands from his hair and he sits up, still half-asleep.

“I love you,” you tell him, and you mean it, just like you meant it all the other times.

When he looks at you, there’s something strange in his eyes, and he smiles his broken smile once again.

“That will be your downfall, Hinata-kun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sad


	6. FAKE SAVIOR/SMILE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter one spoilers i guess?

"I'll protect you," Hinata says to Komaeda one bleak night.

"I don't want murder... I don't want friends to turn on each other," Komaeda had said, sorrow in his voice and the way he moved his hands as he spoke, (and Hinata was all but enchanted by him, couldn't stop staring).

"I'm sure," Hinata continues, now, as Komaeda looks up with surprise, "that everything will be okay," and Komaeda laughs, softly.

"What?" Hinata says, a bit offended, and Komaeda just smiles and says "It's nothing. I'm happy... that you'd say that to someone like me," and then he's gone, suddenly, but not before touching his hand, lightly, to Hinata's own, and Hinata finds himself thinking about that touch for a long time afterward.

(What he doesn't think about is the contradiction in his words: if everything will be okay, what is there to protect anybody from?)

...and then, later, much later, Komaeda's eyes are coalescing dark and light and maybe something else entirely, and Hinata is gripping the edge of his trial stand, knuckles white, head reeling-

Komaeda stops laughing, suddenly, and his gaze is direct on the other boy, just the two of them in that menacing room-

"Sorry, Hinata-kun." He smiles. "You should have protected everyone from me," and this time, despite the twisted grin, Hinata thinks the sorrow in his voice is real.


	7. EASY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> high school au

"You so rarely smile, you know." Komaeda's voice is lilting, musical, and when he looks at Hinata there's an easy grin on his face, as usual.

"I do too," Hinata protests lamely, turning away from Komaeda's gaze. It's another lazy day, a summer weekend, and the two boys have just enough energy to do park themselves on the couch and do absolutely nothing.

"No, you don't," Komaeda says gently, and Hinata knows he is right. He is often too consumed in his own thoughts, too nervous, even, to smile. For a moment he is jealous of Komaeda's ability to appear happy at all times, and then he thinks about that word, _appear_ , and how much and how little it means, and he makes that silent promise to himself again- the promise that he will do whatever it takes to make the other boy's smile real.

"Hinata-kun," he hears, and Komaeda's voice is closer. Hinata turns his head and is met with a soft kiss, Komaeda's hands grasping his own, and when they pull away Hinata sighs, and finally smiles- an easy smile, a genuine one.

"See? It's not that hard," Komaeda says, and Hinata reddens a bit before speaking.

"It's never hard with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha gay  
> all of hinatas happy sprites look so weird


	8. STARING AND SICK

Everything Hinata does is beautiful.

Especially during the trials, where Komaeda watches Hinata bite his lip, tug at his tie, clench his teeth as he _struggles_ to clear the fog and bring justice- but most importantly bring hope.

Komaeda can't take his eyes off of him. As Hinata speaks with an urgency, Komaeda is staring and he knows Hinata knows he is because their eyes meet, just for an instant, and Komaeda smiles and the other boy pauses- a small pause, one that no one else will notice- before turning his gaze elsewhere and continuing.

Komaeda gives Hinata obstacles. _It's what I'm here for_ , he tells himself, and that's one thing he knows if he knows nothing else. He's a designer of strategically placed roadblocks, and when Hinata easily avoids them with agility to get to the truth- well.

Komaeda stares. He can't stop himself. It's what he lives for, after all.

In his cottage, much later, he still thinks about Hinata- about his fingers, maybe, his shoulders, his tongue in Komaeda's mouth- and before he can tell himself to stop, tell himself he isn't worthy of imagining Hinata with himself, his face is flushed and his eyes are closed and his hand is-

His hand is clenched in a fist, and he opens it and closes it once, twice before taking a breath.

No, he isn't worthy.

But that doesn't mean he can't look.


	9. SOMEDAY I HOPE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoilers for chapter 4. i sure hope someone reads these notes because if you havent read chaper 4 this will make no sense at all lmao

“Honestly, I can’t believe I wasted my time with someone like you.”

Hinata flinches and Komaeda smiles. The grip Komaeda has on his arm is surprisingly strong but Hinata knows he could break free if he wanted to, pull his arm back, punch Komaeda on the smirk on his face-

“But when I found out you were just a reserve student… with no talents whatsoever… for some reason,” and Komaeda’s face is too near Hinata’s own, and his breathing is heavy and his voice sounds strangely distant- “I was the most disappointed. I wonder why?”

“I don’t care,” and Hinata has found his voice at last- “I don’t care if I don’t have a talent. I know-“

“You still think you belong. How insolent,” Komaeda says drily. “I’m worse than useless, but at least I know my place. Actually… I’ve started to think… you guys are lucky to have me around.”

“You…” Hinata’s heart is beating too fast, his hands are clammy, and something is pounding in his head-

“But I’m the luckiest, of course.” Komaeda laughs.

Komaeda’s lips are on his and then, too fast, his tongue is in Hinata’s mouth and Hinata hates himself for kissing back, despises himself but he can’t tell himself no- all the other times it was quick, it was heated and this is just as hot but it’s longer, more bitter, and Hinata’s head is reeling and his heart is beating too, too fast-

Komaeda abruptly pulls away. There’s still a string of saliva on Hinata’s mouth and he wipes it away with the back of his hand. The other boy looks at him with something a little warmer than disgust, but not much.

“I really do like you, Hinata-kun. I wonder why?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is too long to be a drabble but consider it my apology for not updating for like a Week... gomen


	10. DEMISE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hinata second person pov if it wasnt obvious. hooray for pronouns ha ha. double update today bc i feel bad about not updating

When you look at him you can just barely make out the outline of bones beneath his pale flesh, and when you take his hand you see clearly the veins on his wrist set against his translucent skin. When he smiles he looks sick but you keep holding his hand because you feel it, the dim, perpetually-flickering light inside him and occasionally you feel its warmth- yes, when he’s lying next to you and his head is lying still on your chest, you can feel how warm he is. Even when he’s all jagged edges and lopsided parts, he feels warm against you.

When he speaks his words contradict, clash against each other, his speech a rambling train wreck and you hold him down- you feel like his keeper, but you can’t let go of him, so you hold him down. And when he talks you can really see how ill he is- his voice is sicker than his smiles, but you hold him down, still-

…and he is volatile, dangerous in your arms. He traces shapes on the back of your neck with his fingers. You hear his breathing and it reminds you of death.  His laugh is shaky and when you hear it you think _unstable, unstable, unstable_ over and over again, the word an alarm in your head.

_“We’re definitely doomed,”_ you think absently as he smiles at you again. You smile back.

 

 


	11. REASON: A TRAGEDY IN TWO PARTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres no such thing as happiness anymore. happiness is dead and komahina killed it. i hope you didnt expect fluff from me i just finished chapter 4 and i think a part of my soul withered away. lets not even talk about chapter 5

"How does it feel," you ask, slowly, deliberately as your fingers brush Hinata's hair, "to love a time bomb?"

He is sullen, silent, but he never denies it- so you smile.

These days you smile so much you're not sure how you even feel most of the time.

When you're around him you have the urge to possess him, keep him for yourself, but what you most feel is shame, burning shame that makes you say things like _I'm sorry. I'm wasting your time_  and _I'm sorry. I'm disgusting_ and _I'm sorry. I'm killing you_. You play too many games with yourself but the one you play the most is the one where you wonder why he loves you. You wonder when he's lying next to you and when you're alone, it's the only thing on your mind, it's destroying you and when you ask him _why_  because you need to know, you _have_ to know why he'd degrade himself like this, associating with someone like you-

He looks at you, weary, and sighs. "I love you. Isn't that enough?"

And of course it is, right?

*

"How does it feel," Komaeda asks, carefully, as he runs his fingers through your hair, "to love a time bomb?"

You don't reply. You almost never reply, because what can you say?

He smiles. You wonder what you'd say if you had the will to answer.

Sometimes you wonder why you love him, if you even love him at all, but the worst thing is you feel calm in his arms- you, calm in _his_ arms, and you hate it, despise it but you need him. You want his twisted existence close to yours. He terrifies you not because of what he can do to anyone else but what he chooses to do to himself.

When he asks you why you love him it's urgent, borderline hysterical, and you have to grip his shoulders, tell him to breathe before you reply.

"I love you. Isn't that enough?"

And he hesitates, then nods, but you know it isn't. It never will be.


	12. EASY TO BE AROUND

When Komaeda is silent he has an aura of calm and more than anything that unsettles you. It’s ridiculous because you’ve seen his eyes swirl and heard his strange laughter but somehow when he isn’t speaking and there’s a barely-there smile on his face he seems nonthreatening, friendly- and when his hand is in yours or his head is on your shoulders you can almost delude yourself, almost, into thinking he’s fine- into thinking you’re fine.

But the truth is that the mechanics of his mind are impossible to understand, and something is wrong with the gears. So why doesn’t it hurt you and why don’t you wince when he’s near? Perhaps it’s because of the simple love he offers but is it really simple and is it really love at all? More importantly, that love, that worship, whatever it is- is it for you or for what you represent?

It should be easy for you to find the answers but murder is everywhere and gruesome details need attention, contemplation. So you push it aside because you’re too tired to think about Komaeda, too tired to question why you feel strangely at peace in his presence, too scared to question why the mess that is Nagito Komaeda is disturbingly easy to be around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [this komahina fanmix](http://8tracks.com/acrossthefloors/doomed-youth#) is really good and i was listening to a song on it and i thought about how painfully ironic this entire pairing was and i decided to title this collection after that song on a whim... it's an odd choice you can interpret it however you want to  
>  also, the next drabble will be the last one. we'll end on 13, an unlucky number... haha... ha


	13. letter to a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 and endgame spoilers ahead  
> thanks to everyone for reading!  
> [you should come visit me on tumblr and talk to me about komahina](emoticonflict.tumblr.com)  
> again, thank you so much!

"Letters," Sonia had declared. "Therapy through written word, you could say!" and when she was glowing and authorative it was hard not to submit.

So they had started writing to their comatose friends.

Hinata sat wearily down at the desk and stared at the piece of paper in front of him, hesitantly putting his pencil to the page. As he wrote he found with some surprise that there was an easy flow in the words.

_Komaeda-  "_ dear" was too stiff, too strange _-_

_First I would say that I'm sorry I never tried to understand you. If I did I could have helped._  He paused, chewed his pencil, continued. _What you tried to do was terrible, but so was what you did to yourself._ A vivid image of Komaeda's mutilated corpse overtook him and he had to breathe- _it wasn't real, wasn't real_ \- before writing again.

_You were wrong about so many things. But I think in another time... we could have been friends. And I'm going to keep hoping I see you again, because I think it's what you would have wanted. Even though what you wanted was confusing and changed._

_Komaeda, I don't think I can forgive you just yet. But maybe when you wake up, we can learn to understand each other. And then maybe-_  strangely he felt a lump in his throat- _we can be friends for real._

Hinata exhaled. He didn't know if his words made sense at all but they seemed right, seemed proper, and he decided to leave them be.

Before he stood up and left the letter on the desk, he penned one last line. _I won't say goodbye. I'll be strong, Komaeda._


End file.
